Saluting Bounty - Toasting Freedom

By Russell P. Friedman

Thanksgiving is here.

With commercial aspects now dominating so many of our other holidays, Thanksgiving stands out as one that is most true to its ancient purpose. Historians can track the giving of thanks for bounteous harvests back many thousand years. Yes, of course there's commerce in the turkey and cranberry arenas, not to mention the yams. And of course the airlines and gas stations make a few bucks as people travel. But the primary gift that people give each other is not monetary, it's the gathering together as family and friends.

In today's America, most of us have neither grown nor harvested the crops that will grace our beautifully crafted tables. Yet our modern family gatherings probably reflect much of the same emotion that our ancestors felt, as they sat together at crude tables, eating a primitive feast. Historical records indicate they used those feasts to thank the God or gods of their understanding for their very survival.

As I stop to think about the bounty I will consume, I find my mind and heart wandering through the major events of this past year. I know we usually reserve that kind of reflection for year's end, but the events in the news over the past few weeks commanded my attention.

I have been watching the sometimes less-than-civil discourse about the pursuit of the war in Iraq and its ongoing aftermath. I have listened to the arguments about the proof or lack of it that justified our military actions in that far-away place. While the images of death and destruction on all sides sadden me to my core, the contentious way people talk to and about each other adds another painful dimension.

I have observed the national political chasm widen as duelling philosophies compete for the minds and votes of the people, often with rancor attached. Even within one political party, hearing some candidates' ad hominem attacks on their own fellows, brings a chill to my soul. Being a Californian - by adoption, not birth - I've recently borne witness to political mauling at the state and local level. And with it, I've read and heard the justification that all sides apply to the idea of "negative" or "attack" ads as they ply their campaigns. That too saddens me.

Like everyone else, I cannot help but be aware of the constant debate about the issue of abortion. Debate is a polite endeavor, yet not all of the activities about this matter have remained in the realm of politeness. This is troubling to me as well. On a similar tack, the recent decision by the Massachusetts Court on gay marriage has promulgated another blistering cacophony from all sides. Without offering my own opinion, I am once again affected, not by the argument itself, but by the offensive way people on opposite sides talk to each other.

I'm not naive - well, maybe just a little. I know that when passions are inflamed, our behavior isn't always ideal. We tend to forget our "pleases" and "thank-yous." Our manners are shunted out of sight and we flail at the perceived enemy-of-thought with whom we disagree. Maybe we all need a "time out."

After pondering this collection of laments, I thought I was upset. But then I realized that I live in one of the very few countries in the world where I can actually verbalize my discontent about anything or anyone. I can say whatever I wish - short of slander and libel - about the President, the justices of the Supreme Court, my Congressperson, or my neighbor. I CAN talk about the death penalty, or abortion, or war, or anything else that crosses my mind.

I can do this with impunity. I can do this without risk of arrest, torture or death. I can do this out loud on radio talk shows or TV; I can do it in print with letters to editors or flyers or cyber-blogs.

As I arrived at this conclusion, my mind and heart began to clear up. I am not angry anymore. Instead, I am thankful that I was born in a country that allows me the privilege of "saying my piece," even if I don't say it nicely.

I will salute the bounty of a glorious meal with family, and with them I will toast the country that protects my right to speak my mind and my heart.

By Russell Friedman

John W. James and Russell Friedman are co-founders of The Grief Recovery Institute Educational Foundation, and co-authors of The Grief Recovery Handbook and When Children Grieve, both from HarperCollins. The Institute and thousands of affiliates throughout the United States and Canada offer a variety of programs for grievers. Additional information is available by calling 888-773-2683 or on the web at www.grief.net. To view previous media related articles please go to:  www.grief.net/Media/MediaIndex.html.  Eric Cline is Director of Canadian Operations.