Quick Fix - You get what you pay for.

The paint on the wall of my living room is cracked and peeling.
There are major gashes in the wall under some of the peeling paint
- those of you with children will understand.

The room must be repainted.

I have purchased a can of paint, a roller, and a brush.
I apply the paint, with roller and brush directly over the old cracked
and peeling paint and gashes.

I am crazy - yes?

Or, I get a scraper, some solvent, sandpaper, and patching materials;
and a can of paint, a roller, and a brush. I strip away the old, cracked paint.
I patch all holes and other damage. I sand and smooth the surface.
Then I apply the paint.

I am sane - no?
 

It is absurd to think that you could just slap a coat of paint on top of
cracked and peeling paint, and presume that the result would have any
long-term value. Unfortunately, we also apply that kind of quick-fix
mentality to the emotional issues in our lives.

We have become a nation of quick-fix artists, hoping against hope
that “five easy steps” or “seven simple strategies” can repair the damage
caused when a death or a divorce gashes a huge hole in our hearts, or
when a lifetime of neglect accumulates and limits the energy available to
participate fully and happily in life.


 

And if those simplistic steps and strategies fail, we can resort to the ultimate
cover-up, the magical pill that will change our lives. It’s almost impossible
to have missed the ads - TV and magazine in particular - that start by suggesting
that if clouds are hiding your days, than these pills can bring sunshine back
into your life.

Seems as inane as painting over the cracks, but if we’ve been taught to believe,
“eat a pill, fix your life,” then we will continue to believe that relief is so easily
obtained.

Where does this come from? Simple - little children who express sad feelings to
the adults around them, hear this in response, “Don’t Feel Bad, here, have a
cookie, you’ll feel better.” What a perfect breeding ground for the eventual
use of illegal drugs or psycho-pharmaceuticals, to attempt to deal with a
range of naturally occurring human emotions, especially the sad ones.

Most of us have known people who keep covering up the painful feelings
caused by the losses in their lives. We have seen and heard them tell the
same sad stories over and over. What we have watched is the emotional
equivalent of spreading another coat of paint on top of a badly damaged
surface.

People try one quick fix after another, with the same ineffective results.
And yet, even when presented with more effective choices, will always
choose what seems the “softer and easier” way.

But like the man said, “you get what you pay for.”


Russell Friedman and John W. James
Grief Recovery Institute Educational Foundation
Sherman Oaks, CA

John W. James and Russell Friedman head the non-profit Grief Recovery Institute Educational Foundation in Sherman Oaks, CA. The Institute and thousands of affiliates throughout the United States and Canada offer a variety of programs for grievers. Additional information is available by calling 888-773-2683 or on the web at www.grief.net