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Bad Parenting, Modern Style |
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WHERE IN THE HELL HAS CIVILITY GONE? People aren’t very nice to each other anymore. When I was a lad there could be civil discourse among people who held differing views. It seems to have disappeared along with some other virtues that have been consigned to the dust-bin of the past. What happened while we weren't looking? I don't know for sure, and there probably isn't just one simple answer, but the world of sports might provide some clues. The "trash talking" on the basketball courts and the football fields has entered the mainstream. It’s no longer possible to hear a dialogue between a republican and a democrat without hearing bi-lateral ad hominem attacks. And I’m talking about folks chatting over dinner, not just the professional pols on Crossfire on CNN. I recall being at a hockey game in Los Angeles, when the great Wayne Gretzky still played for Edmonton. I remember being aghast as most of the 16,005 fans chanted in unison, "Gretzky Sucks, Gretzky Sucks!" I watched the fathers leading their sons in the chant. The display carried the imprimatur of the sponsoring arena, and the full-piped accompaniment of the house organist. It was sad to witness such a display of bad manners, bad sportsmanship, and bad parenting. But I couldn’t stand up and implore the masses to come to their senses, to remember their manners. It would have been as daft as holding my hands up to stop an avalanche. What happened to civility? Is it just another casualty in a world of losses? To get the bad taste out of my mouth, I often watch the televised replay of Prime Minister’s Questions from the English House of Commons. The height of civility breathes its last in that hall. Good manners abound at absurd but delicious extremes. A Member often starts a sentence on Tuesday and finishes it on Wednesday. I have watched in awe, one of those polite meanderings, which never makes a personal assault, yet contains a withering condemnation of a belief or a principle. "Would the right honorable gentleman, given his penchant for the occasional embellishment, and in light of the recent unpleasantries caused by his mis-guided vote on the matter of welfare for recumbent hedgehogs, whilst at the same time holding a view that might well have held sway in centuries past, be inclined to grant that the subject in question, though exhausted by debate, is one which the right honorable gentleman might consider, given that the lateness of the hour precludes further research, and might imply that the honorable member was willing to allow an emotional consideration into this matter.....?" What’d he say? I dunno - but I sure like the polite way he said it. The last act of public gentility I witnessed was the vice-presidential debate between Senator Joe Lieberman and Dick Cheney. Now there was some civility. There was honorable discourse. There was rapier like jousting with thrusting and parrying a plenty, but no personal slander. No "Cheney sucks." No "Joe’s a jerk." None of that. The current plague of incivility seems to be a causal element in ratcheting up the rhetoric that leads to bloody action. The national and international political scenes are proof enough of that. Tough times for honorable people. It’s no longer acceptable to be agreeably dis-agreeable. From discussions on smoking to abortion to religion to politics, there is no longer any reason or reasonability. It’s my way or you’re dead wrong - or just plain dead. Two nights ago the local nightly news reported an argument following a fender-bender that ended in a fatal shooting. There is no more civility, there are just more funerals. The dead people are very dead, and will stay that way. When are the rest of us going to wake up? Where in the hell has civility gone? Civility is dead and so are more and more people who have died because we have lost the ability to talk to each other. We live in the age of communication, yet there is none. If Jerry Springer has become the father of modern communication, then I'd rather be an orphan. Russell Friedman
and John W. James John W. James and Russell Friedman head the non-profit Grief Recovery Institute Educational Foundation in Sherman Oaks, CA. The Institute and thousands of affiliates throughout the United States and Canada offer a variety of programs for grievers. Additional information is available by calling 888-773-2683 or on the web at www.grief.net |